Having sex with someone you don’t live with is now illegal!
So apparently it’s now illegal to shag someone that you don’t live in a newly updated list of lockdown rules. The Health Protection Regulations 2020 bill was presented before Parliament yesterday and this is what was included:
Quote:No person may participate in a gathering which takes place in a public or private place indoors, and consists of two or more persons. For the purpose of this regulation, there is a gathering where two or more people are present together in the same place in order to engage in any form of social interaction with each other, or to undertake any other activity with each other. Reasonable excuses include elite athletes, vulnerable people and key workers.
I literally had to to read that 3 times just to make sense of how it’s worded. A separate provision also makes it illegal to stay overnight at your mates or fuck buddy’s house “without reasonable excuse”, which can include moving house, work, attending funerals or caring for someone. Er, as far as I’m concerned, needing to get filled out is also a reasonable excuse.
No exceptions have been made for couples who don’t live together, meaning that couples can only spend time together outdoors. I know what you’re thinking - let’s just fuck outdoors in a secluded spot, but It looks like that’s a no-go too as as you’ll get done for outraging public decency and indecent exposure. Police can arrest or fine people for breaking the law, with the default penalty standing at £100, which depending on how good the shag is, might just be worth it.
Yeah I can’t see anyone following these rules. They opened up IKEA yesterday and were met with monstrous queues, the kids are back at school and restaurants are opening again, but don’t shag your partner. Get the fuck outta here!
